Month: February 2018

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Eragon (2006)

Eragon (2006)

It’s Star Wars.  Seriously.

The dragon riders are the Jedi.

The Varden is the Rebel Alliance.

Galbatorix is Darth Vader.

Arya is princess Leia.

Eragon is Luke Skywalker

Brom is Obi-wan Kenobi

Uncle Garrow gets to be Uncle Owan and Aunt Beru simultaneously.

Saphira is Luke’s X-wing.

Durza is the Death Star.

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Avatar (2009)

Blue People: The Movie (2009)

This is the future, right?  Where we respect other cultures?  Where we don’t commit mass-murder to steal some stupid rock?

I wish James Cameron had decided to rip something else off other than Pocahontas; this would have been much better without the constant distraction from a plot that doesn’t fit the setting.

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Star Trek (2009)

Star Trek (2009)

Damn…that is one hell of a time to be born.

Driving a car with loud pop music doesn’t feel very…Star Trekky.

Huzzuh! Green blood!

Spock “just says no” to casual racism.

Dayum, live long and prosper is usually like 🖖; but this time it was more like 🖕.

Giant iPad jukebox?

It’s amazing to see how far we’ve come, from Kirk and Uhura having the first interracial kiss on television in the original, to Kirk flirting with Uhura at the bar.

Probably not the first time Kirk gets the $#!+ beaten out of him, nor shall it be the last.

Still building ships on Earth?  I guess I’ll look it up later to see what stardate the shipyard on Mars opened.

Crap…I see “three years later” on the screen and I hear it in my head in the Spongebob voice…you know the one.

I didn’t think hypo-sprays were supposed to hurt?

Heh, I guess Olson counts as a red shirt. 😛

Dunt, dunt dunt, another one bites the dust! Da da dunt, dunt, dunt, another one bites the dust!

Oh hey, the brain slugs! I remember those!

Ahh, the “death grip”, I remember that!

Not sure of the name of it; but that trope where the hero is being chased by something big that wants to eat them until something even bigger eats the first thing.

JACKPOT!!! LEONARD NIMOY!!!

“I have been – and always shall be – your friend.”, I remember that!

Vulcan mind-meld! I remember that!

It almost feels weird seeing so many aliens that are more than just humans with lumpy foreheads.

See? Now that’s more like it! 🖖 Damn, that gave me goosebumps!

Whoa, damn, Scotty’s lucky there wasn’t anti-matter in there!

“Set phasers to stun” I remember that!

All right,

Rating: Nine lens flares out of ten

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Friday the 13th Part VI (1986)

Friday the 13th Part VI (1986)

It was a dark and stormy night…

Digging up Jason is always a good idea.

If lightning is good enough for Frankenstein’s monster, it’s good enough for Jason.

Not even genre savviness can save you now.

Police brutality! Hooray!

Jason is really racking up the multi-kills this time.

I would say killing the driver of the vehicle you are currently in is a bad idea; but Jason is apparently invincible now, so game on.

?
SPEEDING
?

Oh no, scary mannequin head!  D:

Death by…boat??  Eh, whatever.

Rating: pah out of chu

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Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)

Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)

Interesting.  Definitely did not see the ending coming.

I did notice the pin/needle imagery leading up to Pinhead’s arrival.

I was left wondering what that one guy’s role was supposed to be in the murder plot, and why he deserved 50% of the cut.

What was up with that thing the coroner pulled out of Trevor’s throat at the end?  Was that Trevor’s soul being taken and the coroner wasn’t actually real?

Rating: 50% of the cut.

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Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (2008)

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (2008)

Eh, it’s alright.  Plenty of funny stuff; but plenty of stupid stuff as well.

My favorite gag was when Alex’s mother turns out the lights in his old “room” by squishing the firefly.

It’s been twelve years since I’ve seen any movie in a theater, and the last film I saw was the first Madagascar.  A friend of mine worked there, so we stuck around while the credits were rolling until he showed up in the projection booth.  When he saw we were there, he started messing around with the volume and throwing the projector out of focus, making the screen blurry.