Category: Movies

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Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

The formula is getting stale.

My suspension of disbelief fell apart when the girl ended up having telekinesis.  That really shouldn’t bother me when we’re already dealing with a supernatural killer; but for some reason that just felt incompatible to me.

I was looking forward to several character’s death scenes.

I think I’m only going to give this one half a chu and half a pah.

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Ponyo (2008)

Ponyo (2008)

Ahhh, much better.

The timeless story of a fish that turns into a frog then turns into a girl then back into a frog then back into a girl then back into a frog then back into a girl then back into a frog then back into a fish then back into a girl.

I’m sure The Little Mermaid never caused quite this many million/billion yen worth of flood damage.

Rating: HAAAAAAM!

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Eragon (2006)

Eragon (2006)

It’s Star Wars.  Seriously.

The dragon riders are the Jedi.

The Varden is the Rebel Alliance.

Galbatorix is Darth Vader.

Arya is princess Leia.

Eragon is Luke Skywalker

Brom is Obi-wan Kenobi

Uncle Garrow gets to be Uncle Owan and Aunt Beru simultaneously.

Saphira is Luke’s X-wing.

Durza is the Death Star.

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Avatar (2009)

Blue People: The Movie (2009)

This is the future, right?  Where we respect other cultures?  Where we don’t commit mass-murder to steal some stupid rock?

I wish James Cameron had decided to rip something else off other than Pocahontas; this would have been much better without the constant distraction from a plot that doesn’t fit the setting.

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Star Trek (2009)

Star Trek (2009)

Damn…that is one hell of a time to be born.

Driving a car with loud pop music doesn’t feel very…Star Trekky.

Huzzuh! Green blood!

Spock “just says no” to casual racism.

Dayum, live long and prosper is usually like 🖖; but this time it was more like 🖕.

Giant iPad jukebox?

It’s amazing to see how far we’ve come, from Kirk and Uhura having the first interracial kiss on television in the original, to Kirk flirting with Uhura at the bar.

Probably not the first time Kirk gets the $#!+ beaten out of him, nor shall it be the last.

Still building ships on Earth?  I guess I’ll look it up later to see what stardate the shipyard on Mars opened.

Crap…I see “three years later” on the screen and I hear it in my head in the Spongebob voice…you know the one.

I didn’t think hypo-sprays were supposed to hurt?

Heh, I guess Olson counts as a red shirt. 😛

Dunt, dunt dunt, another one bites the dust! Da da dunt, dunt, dunt, another one bites the dust!

Oh hey, the brain slugs! I remember those!

Ahh, the “death grip”, I remember that!

Not sure of the name of it; but that trope where the hero is being chased by something big that wants to eat them until something even bigger eats the first thing.

JACKPOT!!! LEONARD NIMOY!!!

“I have been – and always shall be – your friend.”, I remember that!

Vulcan mind-meld! I remember that!

It almost feels weird seeing so many aliens that are more than just humans with lumpy foreheads.

See? Now that’s more like it! 🖖 Damn, that gave me goosebumps!

Whoa, damn, Scotty’s lucky there wasn’t anti-matter in there!

“Set phasers to stun” I remember that!

All right,

Rating: Nine lens flares out of ten

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Friday the 13th Part VI (1986)

Friday the 13th Part VI (1986)

It was a dark and stormy night…

Digging up Jason is always a good idea.

If lightning is good enough for Frankenstein’s monster, it’s good enough for Jason.

Not even genre savviness can save you now.

Police brutality! Hooray!

Jason is really racking up the multi-kills this time.

I would say killing the driver of the vehicle you are currently in is a bad idea; but Jason is apparently invincible now, so game on.

?
SPEEDING
?

Oh no, scary mannequin head!  D:

Death by…boat??  Eh, whatever.

Rating: pah out of chu