Since 2002
According to the internet: the first film was supposed to have six different colors of rooms, to correspond with the six sides of a cube; but they ran out of money and could only afford enough gels for the five colors seen in the finished film. This film only has one color.
There aren’t really any proper traps this time around, everyone just sort of gets math’d to death.
Rating: the infinity of whole numbers out of the infinity of real numbers
Aaaaaahh, now this is the good stuff. And Kurt Russell isn’t the bad guy this time either!
Seeing animals in movies past a certain age is always distracting to me. I always think, “that cat/dog is dead by now.” 🙁
I guess I have to watch the shows now.
Rating: Six symbols out of six symbols plus the point of origin.
I liked it.
It seems like every comedy includes a few marijuana jokes nowadays, even when it doesn’t seem relevant.
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
Whoever buried Jason can’t tell the difference between 6′ and 6″ Oh, it was a dream, never mind.
Ooh boy, we got an extra unpleasant batch of victims today.
Poor Jason…didn’t even get to draw first blood this time around (the dream doesn’t count.)
Poor lil’ black dude’s older brother. He was too cool for this world.
Poor crazy psycho-hillbilly lady. She was too white trash for this world.
Bad alternator? That is one dead battery.
Jason’s theme is supposed to be “ki ki ki ki ma ma ma ma” but it’s always sounded like “chu chu chu chu pah pah pah pah” to me.
Rating: chu out of pah
(MAKING GUTTURAL NOISES)
Maybe I should have re-watched the original first…it’s been a few decades.
(MAKING GUTTURAL NOISES)
I wonder how Elliot’s camouflage works. It just made sense for the cartoon version to turn invisible; this version is too grounded in reality.
(MAKING GUTTURAL NOISES)
Listening to vinyl is either a period appropriate activity, or they are all hipsters. The car designs look pretty old, so I’m leaning more towards the former.
(MAKING GUTTURAL NOISES)
OK, I’ve officially been watching too many horror films…when Elliot saw Pete with his new family I imagined Elliot becoming jealous and killing them off, one by one, so he can be alone with his boy.
(MAKING GUTTURAL NOISES)
I wish the subtitles only included dialog, there’s only so many times you can read (MAKING GUTTURAL NOISES)
It doesn’t feel like enough happened for this to have a 103 minute running time.
Opening death: Ahhh, Cubed by the cube. Clever.
Extreme efficiency! They only had to build one set, then they just moved the panels around and changed the lighting!
These types of film are certainly bad about not having any characters you actually care about. On the plus side, you end up feeling really good every time another a-hole bites the dust.
Rating: 4 out of 6 sides of a cube
The Lament Configuration just keeps getting easier and easier to solve. At this rate, it won’t be too much longer before someone will just breathe on it and it will go off.
3 pins / Pinhead’s head
Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)
Eh, it’s about what I expected.
The kill count seemed a bit low; but I guess 5 only had 3 Freddy kills in it as well.
Death by chalkboard was interesting. I was kind of hoping the other deaths would be tailored to each person as well; but they weren’t.
I don’t think the weird-ass snake things were necessary. Freddy needs no explanation; Freddy is a force of nature. Finger-blade goes in, finger-blade goes out. Never a miscommunication.
Babylon 5: The Legend of the Rangers: To Live and Die in Starlight (2002)
Twice as long as a normal B5 episode, yet it still only feels like it has a single episode worth of content.
It was nice seeing G’Kar again, though, he was the only familiar face. I guess they saved money on cheaper actors or something.
The ship had a weird weapon control system. The gunner would drop into a sphere that projected an image of space around her, then she would spin around and punch and kick to FIRE ZE LAZORS! …but this just ends up looking like Dragon Ball Z.
3 Babylon Stations out of 5
Trying too hard to be E.T. for millennials?
The alien builds something out of junk to help him get home.
The alien “dies” and comes back to life.
The kids and the alien escape from the Feds in a stolen van.
Speaking of which, the Feds are real a-holes in this movie; I guess stealing from children is OK when SPACE ALIENS are involved, also kidnapping; but at least they don’t threaten the kids with guns…or walkie-talkies.
There was a part where two of the kids were arguing about something; I don’t really know why, it felt like a scene was missing or something because I didn’t see any reason for them to be fighting like that so suddenly for no reason.
I don’t know who the shaky-cam is supposed to appeal to. I see people on Youtube all the time having a cow about the video shaking around too much.
Boring overall, ok vfx – 1/5 walkie-talkies